Dr Gabriel UguruIn the last edition of our science lessons, I did promise to entertain you with a lighthearted look at some of the events in the Bible. But this is a Christmas season, a season for goodwill and joy, and not a time for controversies. In keeping with the spirit of the season, I shall be entertaining you with 3 Christian heartwarming stories between now and the New Year. Enjoy.
Hyde Park occupies a large expanse of land within central London. It was founded by Henry VIII in 1536. Remember the darling old rascal? The guy who invented the art of quick and permanent divorce settlements by chopping off the heads of his boring wives. King Henry’s invention did not only save him money in divorce bills but also saved his blushes by removing the acrimonious and drawn-out court proceedings associated with divorce. If Henry the Eight were a mafia boss, he would have been honoured with the title, Henry the Head in recognition of his penchant for chopping off heads. And had he been around now, he would have made a fortune as a marriage counsellor!
Did I say that King Henry VIII “founded” Hyde Park? Sorry, scratch that. The word “founded” as used here was an euphemism. The old rascal confiscated the land from the monks of Westminster Abbey and turned it into his personal use as a hunting ground for deer. Successive monarchs did leave their mark on the Park depending upon their preferences. Hyde Park right from the time it was founded has been a scene of many activities ranging from the serious and dangerous business of settling matters by duels to the mundane business of trysts. At one area of the park is the Speaker’s Corner where people come to hone their public-speaking skills and debate matters of public importance as well as personal ones.
Join our WhatsApp ChannelOn a fine July day a couple of years back, the weather was hot, extremely hot, which led one to suspect the influence of global warming. A young man by the name of Richard Whyte was standing at the end of the Speaker’s Corner trying to carve himself a following and make himself heard amidst other competitors doing likewise. Some were preaching Christ to the indifferent crowds, others were denouncing government policies and calling for a revolution, while a Muslim cleric was shouting himself hoarse calling for jihad and the islamisation of Britain. If only Britain would submit to Islamic rule with shariah courts, and the crescent fluttering on top of Whitehall, there would be peace and prosperity, no more poverty, racism, terrorism, and religious intolerance. He cited Pakistan and other Islamic republics where people are happy and swimming in riches; everything hunky-dory. Even societal miscreants in the Islamic republics have extolled the joyous rehabilitation effect of shariah courts. The odd stoning or losing a limb or two is a small price to pay for such an excellent judicial system. And what if you received a flogging every now and then? Punishment is good for the soul. There are eight virgins waiting for you in the Garden of Allah, but to get the prize, you have to work for it – no pain, no gain. It was then that a cheeky spectator told him to go home to Pakistan, he instantly pronounced a fatwa on him. The hopelessness of implementing his pronouncement was not lost on the crowd who jeered and cheered at the same time. It was all good entertainment.
Richard Whyte was a second year Business student at the London School of Economics, and a recent convert to “Born Again” Christianity. The euphoria and carefree warmth he received during his conversion was so great that he wanted to share his experience with others, and what better place to do that than at Hyde Park. Being new in oratory, he was a bit agitated in delivering his message to the crowd and got entirely lost when he confused quotes by Christ with Shakespeare’s. “Repent yea,” he exhorted the little crowd he was able to gather. “For the kingdom of God is near,” he cried, his eyes gleaming with passion. “And remember yea, the evil that men do lives after them,” he unconsciously quoted Mark Antony in Julius Caesar.
One member of the crowd shouted above the din, “I beg to disagree, my young gentleman, the evil that men do lives nine months in the womb!”
The crowd jeered, and hooted. Richard Whyte was demoralised by the rejoinder but soldiered on with grim determination.
“The kingdom of God is not meant for fornicators….” Richard Whyte informed his audience.
“In that case I don’t think I shall like it very much,” a youth shouted at Richard Whyte, his arms round his girlfriend’s neck.
Richard Whyte ignored him. “Neither will there be drunkards entertained in heaven.”
“Heaven will be such a boring place without a bit of liquor,” a drunk cradling a bottle of cider, hiccuped. “You can stuff your heaven, lad,” he shouted. “I bet if left to the likes of you, you would turn wine into water!”
Richard Whyte bit his bloodless lips and continued, “And I tell you this, no drugs of any kind will be tolerated up there,” he pointed to heaven, “Including marijuana.”
A follower of Rastafarianism in dreadlocks, sitting on a nearby bench and openly smoking pot in defiance of the law, told Richard Whyte loudly, “Without ganja, I an’ I no go no heaven, man. How’s I an’ I gonna survive? I tell you man, you’re crazy.”
“Unless you repent of your sins, you shall be cast in the burning pit of hell,” he warned his audience.
“That will be lovely,” another member of the crowd shouted, “At least I shall get a nice tan.”
“And I shall save money on heating,” another chipped in to general laughter and whistles from the crowd.
There were rapid tics at the corners of Richard White’s mouth, indicative of an imminent nervous breakdown. “Ye nest of vipers,” he shouted in perfect imitation of John the Baptist, “God will have nothing to do with you lot. You are all destined for hell,” he told his audience, tears welling his eyes.
The crowd jeered and some hardy ones in the crowd threw empty plastic bottles not necessarily aimed at him but just as a gesture of disapproval.
Richard Whyte stumbled from his makeshift pedestal and went home. But just as he was about exiting the park, somebody clamped him on the shoulder. He turned to see a kindly looking gentleman of African descent, though poorly attired with a limp on his left foot, he exuded paternal confidence and understanding.
“Son,” the stranger called him gently, “I am sorry for the rough treatment you received at the hands of the crowd, I had had similar treatments. But I think you should go back and continue with your message. If you fell from a horse and didn’t climb straight back up, you would never be able to ride again.”
“It’s ok for you to dish out advice but what am I going to say to them?” Richard Whyte asked the stranger.
“This time instead of preaching hell and damnation, be inclusive; try telling them about peace, love and forgiveness.”
“Will you come with me?” Young Richard Whyte asked the stranger who nodded in gentle agreement, and they both went back to the Speaker’s Corner.
The crowd had already dispersed to seek entertainment elsewhere. But the stranger encouraged Richard Whyte to continue with his sermon, he being the only audience. The former complied, looking directly at the man and deriving encouragement and confidence from him as he preached. After a while two people joined the stranger to listen to Richard Whyte, then five and before long the trickle turned into a deluge as the crowd increased and were paying ardent attention to every word Richard Whyte uttered. At the end of the sermon, Richard Whyte received a thunderous ovation from the appreciative crowd. He climbed down from the rostrum to thank the stranger but the stranger was gone. He searched everywhere for him but could not locate him. He went home joyfully humming a tune. Just as he came to the very spot where the stranger spoke to him, the wind blew a piece of paper at his feet. He bent down and picked it up. On the piece of paper were written these words: “I am him whom thou preached.”
*(Story culled from “Jokes and Short Stories to Brighten Your Day” by Gabriel Chukwuemeka Uguru; in preparation).
Merry Christmas guys
Follow Us